someone threw a dead crab at me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I need to stop coming to work sober
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
