eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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