She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
