i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize