i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
