Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize