do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize