we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
