shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
