She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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