I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize