How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
even my farts smell like vagina
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
