I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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