I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
