i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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