I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
