just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
