As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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