I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
