Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
