I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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