Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
