how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize