Heybabeimwearingurpanties
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
