Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
