He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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