i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
