Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
