So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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