and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
we're so committed to being not committed
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
