i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
