So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
