3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
