You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
