I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
