rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
