So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
