remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
