Your face is a jimmy john
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
