So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
