DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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