I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
