couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we should paint friendship bongs
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