She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
