I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
