I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
