the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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