You're my little dorito
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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