it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
