It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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