i need an iv and a liver transplant
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
