Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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