i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
