yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
