I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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