Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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