I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
