last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
