Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I need moral support for this bender
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You ruined the universe
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
