i jhust puked up my retainher.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize