No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
