thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
