I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
