I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
