Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
