I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
