nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She's the barista slut.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i think my cat just said my name.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
