I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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