You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
