he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
