I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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