I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
