You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
false alarm, still single
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
