No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pants are for mortals
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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