my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
