remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
