Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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