ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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