Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
