i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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