she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
