I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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