I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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