Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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