Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
