he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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