This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
