and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize