the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
