Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
