oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
