ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
