i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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