I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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