I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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