just tell him i said nine months
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
