Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
