The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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