first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
