Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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