so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
