Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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