Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
