I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
