I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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