hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize