i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
