Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
