I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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