Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
