really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
