her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
