if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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