it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
