Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
