We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
