discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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